I knew, eventually, I'd have to blog about this. However, it's a good thing I waited because it wouldn't have been thought through and probably wouldn't make any sense at all.
In my life, I know very few things. I know that you have one chance to live the life you want to live. If you make wrong choices, you'll pay for that until you find a better path. I know that family is everything. I also know that one moment can change your life forever.
My life has been changed.
On August 24th, we celebrated my little Olivia's first birthday. We had friends over and enjoyed a very happy day in our back yard. A wonderful photographer captured every single moment of the day, and the memories we were making. I look back at those pictures now, and can't imagine that five days later my life would get turned upside down.
Olivia, like I said, is one. She was born August 20th, 2012.
On August 29th, 2013 Olivia woke in the morning around 1:00am. She was acting hysterically and I couldn't make out the few words she was trying to say. It was like she was drugged. She flopped on my bed like a fish, giggling one minute and screaming the next. It was a hard moment to see her like that and I wanted to call the doctor immediately because I'd never seen her act that way, and it was just out of sorts. We didn't call the doctor, and we finally got Olivia to bed at 3:30am or so. I made a bed on the floor beside her crib and settled in for the night because I just felt something was wrong. I had to be up at 5:30 am to get ready for work, so I knew it was going to be a long day.
That morning we woke up as normal and got Olivia to the babysitter. She seemed tired, but nothing too extraordinary so I didn't think anything of it. I dropped her off, and carried on about my day. Around 10:00 AM I received a call from our babysitter saying that Olivia hadn't eaten and that she was running a fever of 102. That concerned me, so I told the babysitter to give her Tylenol, and I'd call the Doctor from work. When I got the Doctor on the line, they told me they could get her in at 2:00 PM for an appointment. I was fine with that, so I scheduled. I continued working, and left work around 1:00 PM to go get the baby and take her to her appointment, just thinking it may be an ear infection or something of that sort.
When we got to the doctor, her temperature was normal. Her ears were fine and there was no reason for the weird behavior or high temperature she had just hours before. She gave us an antibiotic for an ingrown toenail she was developing and we went on our way. I went and picked up Micaela from school and then went to the pharmacy to pick up the antibiotic. Micaela was carrying Olivia in the pharmacy and said "Mom, she's really hot!" I looked over at Olivia and her face had gone flush. I called the doctor right there on my phone and let the doctor know that the fever had returned. They put me on hold. During that time I went back out to my car and started to leave. I glanced in my mirror to the back seat at Olivia, and that's when it started....
Olivia's eyes were rolling in the back of her head and she was gagging. I didn't know what to do or how to act. I was sure she was having a seizure, but my car couldn't move fast enough. I got to the Emergency Room in about 8 minutes. The seizure had subsided by then and we went straight in. When I picked her up, my entire body was sweating at the heat she was putting off. I'd never felt someone so hot. They got her in the room and her temperature was taken. 104.8! WOW...
When in the room, they tried to get an IV in her, and she pulled it out. They tried again and they blew vein after vein, eventually giving up. They took blood and urine samples. All coming back okay and fever never going down. 6 hours later, and with a temperature of 103, they released us telling us she would be okay, but probably have a fever for 24 hours. They told us to return if she developed a rash or the symptoms worsened. Leary at the least, I left to go home and settle in for the night on a spare bed with my baby at my side.
I couldn't sleep at all. She was so hot, her temperature not decreasing no matter how much medicine I forced in her. She was uneasy and not able to hold still. She eventually drifted off just as it was time for me to get ready for work again. So I got up, and went to get ready as I looked at her facing a wall and sleeping with her arms tucked under her tummy.
It took me about 6 minutes to get my clothes on and get dressed. I walked back in to the room where she was at and I noticed that she was still laying in the same position. I told Brandy that I wanted to take her temperature and she said "But she's sleeping." I said "No she's not, her eyes are open." At the same time, both Brandy and I got closer and realized that baby Olivia was not with us... Her eyes were open, her arms and legs were twitching - but for that moment, I thought my daughter had left this world for good.
My heart raced, my mind stopped, my world ended... I couldn't breathe. I couldn't think. What do I do? Where do I go? Brandy screamed to call 911, Micaela and her friend jumped on the bed trying to get Olivia to react to anything to no avail. This was it, this was my life, this was the end of everything I had ever known. Right here and right now, my life was coming to the worst heart-wrenching pain I could ever imagine.
After what seemed like a lifetime, my body started to move. I raced for the phone and ran out the front door. Tears streaming down my face. I don't know where my body was taking me or what I was doing but my fingers dialed 911 and the nightmare began:
"911 what's your emergency"
"I need an ambulance to ****address**** my daughter is unresponsive! I need an ambulance NOW hurry!!!"
"Ma'am give me the address again."
"****address****"
"Is she breathing ma'am?"
"YES! Just get me a damned ambulance *** Damn it!"
"How old is your daughter ma'am?"
"She's one. She's one! Help her please help her!"
"We're going to. We're coming ma'am. What happened to her? Why is she unresponsive?"
"She had a fever yesterday and she was shaking today. She's shaking so much and she's not okay. Please help me...."
"Okay, we're getting help. Help is coming, please take a deep breath ma'am. I need you to breathe. I'm connecting you to dispatch now."
"JUST GET ME AN AMBULANCE!!!! She's not okay, she's not okay, she's not okay!!!"
"This is dispatch"
"Yes we have a mother on the line her one year old daughter is unresponsive."
"Ma'am do you know if she is breathing?"
"LISTEN TO ME!!! I NEED A F***ING AMBULANCE GUYS!!! She's not going to be okay if you do not get here now. She's breathing she's shaking, I NEED HELP!"
"Ma'am take a deep breath. Breathe in with me we're going to count to five okay?"
"Okay..."
"1.... 2.... 3.... 4.... 5.... "
"Okay now ma'am where is your daughter at? Is the door unlocked for responders to get in?"
"She's in the living room, and yes, I'm outside."
"Who's with your daughter ma'am?"
"Her sister and her other mom. They're trying to wake her up."
(sirens in the background)
My front door swings open and my daughters friend, who has been helping try to wake up the baby also, comes out the door "She's awake! She's awake!"
Me to the lady on the phone "She's awake!" I run for the house. My legs trembling beneath me.
"Ma'am stay on the phone with me until the responders get there."
"Okay okay!"
(sirens closer now)
"Ma'am what does she look like now?"
"She's breathing - she's shakey - but she's awake. The ambulance is here. I can hear them. They're here."
"Okay, do you want me to hang up ma'am? Are you okay?"
"Yes, they're here. They're going to help."
"Okay call back if you need help again ma'am."
"K" I hang up the phone, and sit on the side of the bed with my baby looking around like she doesn't understand what is happening. The entire phone call took 4 minutes and 59 seconds. Three minutes of that my daughter was not awake. She was not here, and I thought I had lost her. I was sure I had lost my child at 7:45 AM on Friday August 30th 2013.
The first responders, police and ambulance are in my house. My neighbors are on their porches and peeking out their windows. Curiosity killing them. I look in to the eyes of the little girl that stopped my heart, and the paramedics tell me she's good enough for me to take her myself without ambulance if I want. The police officer chimes in and says that he will escort us.
My oldest daughter and I climb in to the car with baby Olivia and we are escorted to the emergency room of the hospital we had just left last night. When we get there they take her temperature and she's scorching at 105.1.
They admit her immediately. Once again trying to get a vein and blowing every one they try, while she screams "Mommy" as loud as her little lungs can allow. My heart still racing, my mind still blank, my face burning with fear. What is going on? Why is this happening?
They admitted us to Pediatrics, and we started our fight. From Thursday morning at 1:00 AM to Sunday evening my baby girl had a high fever ranging anywhere from 101.0 to 106. It was heart wrenching to watch them poke her, prod her, and invade her little body. Her head held an IV and at one time it blew and they had to put one in her back. Saturday she broke out in a rash on her entire body, and blisters in her throat. Everything was ruled out: Kawasaki disease, Coxsackie virus, Hand Foot Mouth Disease. They tried everything to find answers and never found the answer to any of this. The only way to pinpoint the disease was to do a spinal tap. If we did a spinal tap, they they may figure out the disease, but the treatment would still entail treating only the symptoms. We're dealing with an enterovirus here, and there is not a cure, so symptoms are all we can deal with anyway. We're not invading this baby anymore. Just fix her and bring her back to me.
For these days she was not Olivia. She wasn't happy, she wouldn't walk, she wouldn't speak well like she had. She loved on me, but it was more of a fearful love. She didn't want me to let her go. When people walked in the room she'd cry, Just knowing she was about to be invaded once again. Taking her temperature turned in to a task. She'd scream, she'd cry she'd yell for mommy. There was nothing I could do for her. Nothing I could do.
She slept in a crib too far away from me, so I'd climb up there with her. If this crib is good enough for the baby, than it is good enough for me. I held her hot, helpless body. I cried with her, I begged for prayers from churches, friends, and families. I needed prayers. She needed prayers, she needed strength. She was fighting an invisible disease, and there was nothing I could do. I had to turn this over to God. I prayed with all my might. A friend of mine, who is a pastor, came and prayed with us and his wife also. It was our only hope to get her better and out of here. Sunday night, I prayed harder than ever and I begged the disease to come to me and leave her. I'd take the pain away from her in an instant.
By Monday morning her body started to win the battle. The fever subsided, the rash started to diminish, my heart started to beat again. She's alive. She's going to be okay. She's coming back to us. She's stronger than I thought, God has done great things in her, and I am beyond blessed to have played witness to this amazing little girls struggles.
Tuesday morning we received word that we could finally escape this nightmare. We could take our baby home.
As I close the book on this nightmare, I realize there are new things in life that I know. I know I will continue having these heart-wrenching nightmares for some time, and I know I will wake up and go in her room to check on her every time I get a chance. I know my daughters are important to me and life is never going to be the same. I'll never take them for granted. Lastly, I will never think I can fight something without the power of God and the power of prayer.
Hold your children tight, and no matter how hard it is, never believe for a second they are not stronger fighters than you will ever be!
(Going home)
